I accidentally in your base

...but not a particularly happy one.

Don't get me wrong, there's been plenty of happy moments. I've had nice presents (a huge thank you to many of my friends, and to my wonderful girlfriend). I've been shopping and spent a large sum of money on books, which is always good. I started the day in bed with Helen and have returned to it once or twice since ;) I've even been offered a threesome at some point this week, amusingly with both of the other participants independently asking me within an hour of each other if I would like to try to set something up with the other person :) There has been a lot of Good Stuff today.

Still, I'm sad; that's my baseline state, and when there's nothing actively happening to cheer me up, I return to it.

I've been putting off writing any detail in my journal lately about what's going on in my life, which has tended to make the personal entries a bit cryptic and emo over the last month. I really don't like doing that - this is my journal, and if my head is a mess then this is exactly where I should be trying to write it all down and work it all out. However. Although this is my journal, and I should be able to write whatever I like about my personal life... there's the tricky issue of how much it's polite to write about other people's personal lives. When the other people are so completely integral to what's happening to your life, it can be impossible to write about the mess inside your own head without talking about their personal lives too.

I've decided over the last few days that I'm going to have to write about what's been happening lately, despite other people being heavily involved, because it's just been too important to me to leave it as a few cryptic posts and a succession of downbeat mood settings.

I'm going to give people made-up names to give some vague hint of politeness to the whole thing of discussing their personal lives, but they're going to be fairly obvious made-up names if you know the people involved. I'm sure all our mutual friends already know 3/4 of what's gone on anyway, and maybe it'll make a bit more sense if they have the other 1/4 to finish the picture. The rest of you can just read it for entertainment value, or because you care about the things that shape my life, or out of intense boredom :)

( So why are you such a miserable fucker on your birthday Denny? )

That slightly pathetic tale said and done... Helen has just got out of the bath, and we're going back to bed again now. To read our new books. Honest.

It's not all bad, this birthday. It's had its moments.


Just not that moment.

Well, some people turned up for my birthday party-ish thing yesterday (azekeil, kissycat1000 and gothslut among them). Some other people sent apologies or just didn't make it - particularly missed were darklightimages who's been busy half-dying of asthma from the sound of it, and ninneviane who seems to have just a few things to be getting on with at present  :)

On the whole it was a lot quieter than I was hoping - more of a gathering than a party. I suspect this was either caused or aided by the fact that half the people buggered off really early. Still, it was nice to see people anyway... and maybe I'm too old for having loud parties now - whether I want them or not?  ;)

Toward the end of the night, I got comfortable enough lounging around on the floor eating KFC and watching Red Dwarf that I temporarily forgot my leg was broken and tried to use it as part of the process of sitting up. There was a loud squeal and a short burst of swearing on my part, and it still hurts quite a bit today. I've been waiting for something like that to happen, an instinctive movement that slips through the mental safety nets I've been building around everything I do. Still, hopefully no permanent damage done, just a loud and definite warning to be even more careful in future.

I've got a hospital appointment on the 16th when I get x-rayed and find out how things are going inside the leg... so far I can't say that it feels particularly encouraging - there are definitely still bits rattling around loose in there. Even before I strained it last night there were still directions that I can't let the leg take its own weight in without some rather unattractive 'crunch' noises resulting. I'm not sure whether this means it's not healing very well, or whether it's to be expected that it will take longer than this before it starts being even vaguely intact again.

I'm reaching another one of those points where this whole process seems to be interminable... I'm not even a quarter of the way through the full healing period yet, and less than halfway to the time I can try walking again even if all goes well. I'm really starting to miss dancing an incredible amount - I had no idea how much pleasure I got from going out to Full Tilt at the Electric Ballroom and bouncing around like a loony for a few hours. I'm a bit miffed that there will be bouncy bands at Whitby, which although it is months away, will still be within my 'not even walking' time let alone my 'not safe to dance like a loony yet' time.

Tangent 1: gothslut managed to leave her phone here today... if anyone known to either me or her is going to be going from MK to Cambridge sometime in the next couple of days, please let us know - otherwise I'll have to post it. Trusting someone else's property to the MK post fills me with a certain amount of dread.

Tangent 2: I waited until 10 to 11 tonight before deciding that yes, I was hungry enough for it to be worth me phoning a pizza. Only to find out that the pizza place's driver was taking an early night and had just gone out on his last delivery run. They did ask if I could collect, but of course that's not really an option at present. Bah.